if i go out to the city, today at 755am i could go to the library, read some Bakunin or any other book related to anarchism or any other kind of liberating ideas , or i could just be what i do best and critizice everybody, scream at them as i like to do, insult them too, hey, at the end we only do what we are, and by that i could also drink and do some heroin if anyone knows were to find it cause, yeap, life is also a laberin of emotions and work is the filter, so thats why people work, to make their living a better one, to get some things done and have something else to do instead of thinking all the time, and if your work is to think, then one has to read other thinkers and analyze them in a way, "people" will like otherwise, then is like talking a language only you can understand, and you need to translate it if you want people to understand you, right? you see, im asking question that no one will answer them, why? because no one cares about me, and the only thing i can do is to work for them, so there my dilema, do i do it for them or i do it for me, and what will i do, will i go a look for a job, like i have done for more than 3 months with no success or will i go and find somethings to do in the library and read about some interesting facts about life? if i do any of those ones, i could also occupy, and that my friend, is why i occupy, not because im living with my parents or im kind or crazy and to define the meaning of crazy is to be very subjective about my life because , i will never hurt or do damage to anyone if i dont think they are doing those things to me, to begin with, and thats why im crazy, i hear conversation with people and i think they are focused on me and that everything they say it has any revelance to what im living, for example; if i hear somebody saying to another person, "you know he is an hypocrital, useless kid" then ill think im that person they are refereing, and that, my friend is paranoia at its maximun expression, imagine to live like that until one dies and find that it was always an egoistical way of thinking, and that also goes when i look at a person, i think that person wants to be my friend, and believe or not, it usually the oposite, people dispise me, you see, paranoia in action...but i have some examples, the other time, the last time i went to the ocupation, i was following x because he was walking with y, i didnt know what they were planning, maybe to hand around, but since im not use to see a mature kid with a mature person i started to imagine some kind of inmoral things, paranoia in place, then once i figured out i told Indi that i was occupying because i wanted to be an new world order security, well, i kind of went to the other side in that one, but hey, i might even be be one day, you know, no one knows what life will give you...and to ended in a twist, back in time too, i once had a relationship with someone and it didnt end good, i went to be a good person to a wanker, and i know i am like that, and well, paranoia is a very uncomprehended condition to have, so i blew it, and after that everything changed, people started to reject me, so my question is, was that something to do with what i did or the way im? even thou, its all the same, people, will always do what they do best, reject, and criticize them, the way they do when they loose their charm, once its over, to the garbage, and thats the way i feel and i deserve it, so this is just a solliloqio and an own answer to what im thinking...so i laught at myself for what i am and for what i tried to do, because its all kind of worthless at the end, where is the support? hey, as people ussually say, "take care of yourself". but is helpfull to write to oneselve thinking someone will read this and maybe say, hey man, forget about the past and live the moment and prepare a little for the future...my emo philosophy.